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Yearly Archive for: ‘2018’

Forgiveness & Relationships- Part 4

What is Forgiveness? Forgiveness is not a way of forgetting the past. Indeed, if you have been harmed, you should not forget it. You can learn from the past about how to avoid being harmed in the future. Nor is forgiveness a way of exonerating the perpetrator. Recognize that the harm did happen, that the other person is responsible for …

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Forgiveness & Relationships- Part 3

Choosing to Forgive Forgiving the one who caused you harm may seem like the last thing you would want to do. After all, by not forgiving, you can hold onto the belief that you have some power over the perpetrator and that you can therefore prevent the harm from ever happening to you again. Or you may be so invested …

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Forgiveness & Relationships- Part 2

THE WAY WE ARE HURT The hurt can be enormous. Humiliation. When you are ridiculed by others – especially during childhood, as often happens when children are called derisive names – or when your pride is wounded, as might happen when a supervisor at work berates you in front of others, the assault on your dignity may impel you to …

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Forgiveness & Relationships- Part 1

All of us have been hurt, in one way or another, by someone else. While it is easy to forgive a friend for the slight distress one feels over a phone call that was not returned, it is not so easy to forgive those who have harmed you in a major way. The greatest hurt seems to come from those …

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Couples & Growth – Part 4

Learn to Self-Soothe in the Face of Conflict We blame our partners when we feel discomfort, and this tends to create distance within an emotionally committed relationship. The distance, then, creates a feeling of further discomfort. The clue to dealing with this dilemma is to learn how to soothe your own emotional pain. This can open the way to more …

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Couples & Growth – Part 3

Being Yourself in a Relationship This means holding onto yourself within a relationship, staying true to what you want out of life while sharing your life with a partner. Differentiation allows us to break free from the negative processes that happen between partners in any relationship. It allows us to take a time out from arguments in order to comfort …

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Couples & Growth – Part 2

Relationships mature over time. The initial attraction may be physical, and this may carry the relationship for some time to the point of making an emotional commitment. Then the excitement and promise of sharing our life with another person can lead to a stage of heightened expectations where we ignore or minimize the discomfort that we may feel from time …

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Couples & Growth- Part 1

Emotionally committed relationships bring excitement and passion into our lives, especially when they are new.  Over time, however, we come across roadblocks based in personal issues that can distance us from our partners.   When we first enter into a committed relationship, we may think that we have found the answer to life’s problems, that we have a partner to share …

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Relationships & Infidelity

Why did s/he cheat on me? Many people ask themselves that question every year. Their self-esteem is destroyed and they ask themselves the larger question: Why? Is it me? Is it him/her? Is it that woman/man? What does s/he have that I don’t? Have we lost touch with one another and grown that far apart? Betrayal is painful!  The process …

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Conflicts & Communication – Part 5

Here is a model that may help in resolving interpersonal conflicts. Identify the Problem. Have a discussion to understand both sides of the problem. The goal at this initial stage is to say what you want and to listen to what the other person wants. Define the things that you both agree on, as well as the ideas that have …

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