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Communication Skills & Assertiveness

This entry is part 3 of 5 in the series Assertive Communication

Learning to be more assertive involves examining several dimensions of your life : Self-Esteem: How you define yourself, positively or negatively, depends on the messages you’ve heard from others throughout your life. We internalize the things we’ve heard about ourselves from other people, and this becomes the basis of our self-esteem, which can be either mostly positive or mostly negative. …

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Assertiveness

This entry is part 2 of 5 in the series Assertive Communication

We see instances of nonassertive behavior around us everyday. Most people who lack an assertive style are simply those who want to keep the peace. For the most part, they want goodness and cooperation between people. However, they often pay a high price for this in terms of functioning effectively in the world. There are negative consequences associated with the …

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Assertive Communication

This entry is part 1 of 5 in the series Assertive Communication

Have you ever heard yourself say, “I’m a nice person. I’m a polite person. I’d never intentionally do anything to hurt anybody. So why don’t other people give me the respect I deserve?” The problem could well be due to difficulty with assertion. Maybe you aren’t showing your nice, polite, and respectful qualities to other people. Unless they can see …

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Controlling Your Anger

This entry is part 6 of 6 in the series Anger

Controlling the Escalation of Anger When anger goes out of control the consequences can be devastating and irreparable. When people have a destructive angry episode, there is a series of steps involved in the escalation of the interaction. We should aim to stop the escalation before it spirals completely out of control. We can learn to break into this chain …

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Exploring Anger

This entry is part 5 of 6 in the series Anger

An Exercise for Exploring Anger Do this exercise once a day for a month or so. It only takes a few minutes. This exercise encourages you to explore your anger so that you can take a more contained approach toward it. Find a quiet time and place with no distractions (turn off the TV and background music). Close your eyes …

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Positive Approach Toward Anger

This entry is part 4 of 6 in the series Anger

Some Suggestions for Taking a Positive Approach Toward Anger – The most important thing one can do to manage anger is to get to know this emotion, and to know it well. Ask yourself the following questions. What triggers my anger? Are there any themes in these triggers (for example, feeling condemned, feeling controlled by others, feeling rejected)? What happens …

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Directing Anger Inward

This entry is part 3 of 6 in the series Anger

Many people have been made to feel ashamed for having anger. If our self-esteem has been damaged, we are ripe candidates for blaming ourselves when we are angry. Women may be particularly susceptible because of cultural expectations to be nice. We may learn to direct our anger inward, toward ourselves, rather than attributing it to a perceived threat in the …

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Directing Anger Toward Others

This entry is part 2 of 6 in the series Anger

Those who were told in childhood to avoid anger may never come to know what their anger is all about. Thus, they fear the emergence of angry feelings and when their anger is triggered, they may find themselves out of control. Indeed, for those who are unfamiliar with anger, the likelihood of catapulting into rage becomes a real possibility. When …

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Anger & Relationships

This entry is part 1 of 6 in the series Anger

Managing a Powerful Emotion All of us get angry – although some people might not like to believe this. Anger is an emotion that can occur when there is a threat to our self-esteem, our bodies, our property, our ways of seeing the world, or our desires. People differ in what makes them angry. Some people will perceive an event …

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Communication & Relationships

This entry is part 2 of 2 in the series Communication skills

Effective communication is authentic – meaning honest and congruent. Say what you think or feel, and mean what you say. You probably assume you already do this, yet dishonesty is more common than you might guess (we often even fool ourselves about our own dishonesty). When you outwardly agree but inwardly don’t, you are being dishonest. Whether you want to: …

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