MARRIAGE & UNEMOTIONAL PARTNER
There are many other examples of partners who are emotionally unavailable.
Consider a few of them –
- Some people seem to live to do things, the more exciting the better. They are adventure seekers. There’s always one more trip to take, one more skydive, one more mountain to climb. These people get their attention from their conquests, and not by making themselves vulnerable within an emotional attachment.
- Beautiful people, unfortunately, sometimes grew up with the message that their looks are everything. They may have difficulty engaging in the mutuality of a sharing relationship because they have learned to search for gratification elsewhere. Time may change this, however.
- Partners who are Addicts are attracted to a number of different objects (alcohol, drugs, work, food, television, shopping, gambling, sex…), and may not be able to sustain an emotional relationship – not with you, anyway.
- Some partners are more influenced by their overinvolved parent than they are with you. You may be seen as an appendage to the primary relationship – which is with the parent.
- To the intellectualizer partner, emotions are turbulent and unpredictable. Everything has to analyzed, quantified and categorized. Control is everything. Sharing feelings within a relationship is seen as dangerous folly.
- A relationship with a person suffering from narcissistic personality disorder is one-sided, in favor of the narcissist. They have a sense of grandiosity, a sense of entitlement, and a lack of empathy – so that they are more interested in self-love than love based on mutual sharing.
- The keeper of secrets partner probably has some strong boundaries – or walls – in place, and is unable to engage in an emotionally available relationship. If your partner has a private life from which you are excluded, there are probably serious trust issues which undermine the success of a sharing commitment.
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT