Correction and discipline are definitely part of parenting but not the most important part. They are just the tip of the iceberg. Often though, when disciplining or correcting a child who is not responding well, parents have a tendency to do more correction and/or try different methods of discipline or correction.

However, in this situation, parents should think more about training and teaching versus correction/discipline. The key to effective correction is effective teaching/training. Parents need to ask themselves “Am I correcting/disciplining without teaching or training my child?” As parents consider this question, they should also consider the quality of their relationship with their child.

The effectiveness of parental teaching/training depends heavily on the quality of the relationship with the child. Even if a lot of time is spent teaching/training the child, he will not want to learn if he doesn’t like or enjoy the relationship he has with his parents. Likewise, the quality of the parent/child relationship has a lot to do with the quality of the parent/spouse relationship. Children rejoice when their parents love each other. The best present a parent can give their children is to love their father/mother.

Finally, the most crucial element of all is a parent’s way of showing respect and consideration to others overall. The deepest attitudes of the heart are at the core of how people relate to others. This ultimately affects/determines how parents relate to their children as well. If parents see others as people like themselves, with strengths and weaknesses, fears, hopes, and dreams, they will treat them with consideration and respect even when there are disagreements in actions.

The quality of the husband/wife relationship depends of the deep core of who the individuals are toward others. Indeed, it will affect every relationship, their well being and their ability to impact others. In essence, it determines a person’s legacy.

Adapted from an article by the Arbinger Institute

Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT

www.sandiegofamilytherapy.net