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Relationships & Forgiveness- Part 2
THE WAY WE ARE HURT The hurt can be enormous. Humiliation. When you are ridiculed by others – especially during childhood, as often happens when children are called derisive names – or when your pride is wounded, as might happen when a supervisor at work berates you in front of others, the assault on your dignity may impel you to …
Relationships & Forgiveness- Part 1
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi All of us have been hurt, in one way or another, by someone else. While it is easy to forgive a friend for the slight distress one feels over a phone call that was not returned, it is not so easy to forgive those who …
Marriage & Truth- Part 5
Working on Intimate Communication Many couples go for months or years without having deep and intimate talks. They live with silence and feel emotionally estranged from the person to whom they have committed themselves. They want the closeness they expected when their relationship began, but they don’t know how to get there. The walls seem too high. They hope that …
Marriage & Truth- Part 4
Telling the Truth Truth is difficult for many of us. We all engage in a bit of self-deception in our lives. There are things about ourselves that we have not been able to examine or accept. We have difficulty in admitting our flaws – even to ourselves, much more so to our partners. Sometimes we guard our intimate feelings because …
Marriage & Truth- Part 3
Listening to the Truth: If you want your partner to be honest with you, you have to be a good listener. Communication is a two-way process. A good listener – is nonjudgmental and open-minded; doesn’t jump to conclusions; understands that the truth comes out a little at the time, not all at once; doesn’t try to impose his or her …
Marriage & Truth- Part 2
Effective Communication & Quality Relationships Communication is at the center of relationships. The quality of a relationship depends on the quality of the communication between the two partners. The most treasured times within a relationship are those in which we tap into our partner’s authenticity with heartfelt communication – those times when we talk truthfully. Unfortunately, these moments come far …
Marriage & Truth- Part 1
The Stage of Deeper Sharing When we commit ourselves to a relationship with another person, we rightly expect to experience a sense of fulfillment that we didn’t have before. Humans, as social beings, seem to have a universal desire to find a partner. Sexual attraction often serves as the motivator for making initial contact with the other person, and this …
Marriage & Commitment- Part 5
Marriage Success: Skills for Creating a Healthy Relationship John Gottman, in his book “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail”, points out four strategies for improving relationships. Most of us are not especially adept at these skills, especially when we enter into a significant life relationship, but learning them gives us a good chance to increase the success of both our relationship and …
Marriage & Commitment- Part 4
Couples Making Positive Relationship Changes There is still hope for couples who find themselves in destructive patterns, but they must learn new skills. Consulting with a trained therapist is generally the most effective way to do this, and I can help. One skill to learn is how to avoid flooding, which is a feeling of being overwhelmed by your partner’s …
Marriage & Commitment- Part 3
Negative Relationship Behaviors – The Negative Cascade A relationship in trouble is one that falls into a negative cascade. One negative reaction leads to the next until there is a seemingly insurmountable wall between the two partners. Relationships that enter this destructive phase need attention and can benefit from the trustworthy, confidential intervention of a professional therapist. Sometimes the two …
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