Building a Marriage That Thrives - Part 2

The Power of Transformative Nonviolent Communication:

1- Replacing Judgment with Observations

One common communication pitfall in marriage is expressing judgments instead of neutral observations. For example:

• Judgmental statement: “You never help around the house!”
• NVC approach: “I’ve noticed that I’ve done the dishes the last five nights, and I’m feeling exhausted.”

By stating an observation rather than making an accusation, partners can reduce defensiveness and create space for constructive conversation.

2- Expressing Feelings Without Blame

Couples often phrase their feelings as accusations, which can lead to defensive reactions:

• Blaming statement: “You make me feel unimportant.”
• NVC approach: “I feel lonely and unappreciated when we don’t spend time together.”

By owning one’s emotions rather than attributing them to the partner, it invites a more compassionate response rather than resistance.

3- Identifying and Expressing Needs Clearly

Unspoken needs often lead to frustration and resentment, as many partners assume their spouse should “just know” what they need:

• Vague complaint: “You don’t love me anymore.”
• NVC approach: “I need more affectionate gestures, like hugs or words of affirmation, to feel emotionally connected.”

Instead of assuming, this approach clarifies specific needs, making it easier for the partner to respond with care.

Adapted from a book by Marshall Rosenberg

Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT

www.sandiegofamilytherapy.net