Building a Marriage That Thrives - Part 3

The Power of Transformative Nonviolent Communication: (continued)

4- Making Clear, Actionable Requests

Requests are often phrased as demands or complaints, which can lead to resistance:

• Vague complaint: “You never prioritize our relationship!”
• NVC approach: “Would you be willing to set aside one evening per week for a date night so we can reconnect?”

Using “Would you be willing…” respects the partner’s autonomy and encourages collaboration instead of obligation.

5- Listening Empathically Instead of Defensively

When one partner expresses frustration, the other often reacts defensively:

Defensive response:

Partner 1: “I feel overwhelmed with all the responsibilities.”

Partner 2: “So, you’re saying I do nothing?”

NVC approach:

Partner 2: “It sounds like you’re feeling really burdened. Are you needing more support?”

This response focuses on understanding emotions rather than reacting, which de-escalates tension and fosters connection.

6- De-Escalating Conflict

In moments of conflict, NVC helps partners communicate in a way that prevents escalation:

• Blaming response: “I’m sick of doing everything! You don’t care about this family at all!”
• NVC approach:

• Observation: “I noticed I’ve been handling most of the household chores lately.
• Feeling: “I feel exhausted and overwhelmed.”
• Need: “I need more balance, so I don’t feel so drained.”
• Request: “Would you be willing to discuss how we can divide tasks more evenly?”

By focusing on facts, feelings, and solutions rather than blame, the conversation remains constructive.

Adapted from a book by Marshall Rosenberg

Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT

www.sandiegofamilytherapy.net