Turning Toward Each Other
John and Julie Gottman have developed an evidence-based approach to working with couples that aligns with a commitment to intellectual and spiritual honesty, fostering true peace and growth in relationships. Their work emphasizes practical strategies and clear guidance for relationship-building. A key principle in their framework is the importance of partners turning toward each other to cultivate intimacy and connection.
Recognizing Attempts for Connection
In every relationship, partners make frequent attempts to connect. These are small, everyday moments when one partner seeks the other’s attention, affection, or emotional support. Recognizing and responding to these moments lays the foundation for trust, intimacy, and togetherness.
Attempts for connection can be:
- Verbal: “Look at this beautiful sunset!”
- Nonverbal: A sigh, a touch on the arm, or a smile.
- Sharing moments: “You’ll never guess what happened at work today.”
- Expressing vulnerability: “I’m feeling stressed about the meeting tomorrow.”
- Seeking practical help: “Can you hold this for a second?”
- Initiating affection: Reaching out for a hug or leaning in for a kiss.
These gestures, though seemingly small, are crucial opportunities to strengthen emotional bonds.
Adapted from a book by John and Julie Gottman
Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience helping couples strengthen their relationships. Based in San Diego and providing online therapy throughout California, she specializes in couples therapy, marriage counseling, premarital counseling, affair recovery, communication and conflict, emotional disconnection, and rebuilding trust. Her integrative approach draws on research-based relationship strategies, attachment-informed therapy, and a deep understanding of the emotional patterns that can leave couples feeling hurt, misunderstood, or disconnected.
