The Research Behind Turning Toward
John and Julie Gottman research highlights the profound impact of this practice:
Couples who turn toward each other 86% of the time are far more likely to build strong, resilient relationships. By contrast, couples who fail to respond positively in these moments, doing so only 33% of the time, are more likely to experience emotional distance and eventual separation. Each positive interaction builds an emotional “bank account,” a reserve of goodwill that helps couples navigate conflicts and challenges.
Benefits of Turning Toward Each Other
Consistently turning toward your partner creates:
- A deeper sense of closeness and understanding.
- Enhanced emotional intimacy and trust.
- Reduced tension, making it easier to navigate disagreements.
- A strong foundation that buffers against relational stress.
The Power of Small Moments
Turning toward each other is a simple yet transformative practice. By noticing and responding to your partner’s bids for connection, you build a secure and loving bond. Intimacy is not about grand gestures but the small, everyday moments that weave the fabric of a resilient relationship.
Embracing this principle allows couples to thrive, creating a partnership grounded in mutual love, respect, and support.
Adapted from a book by John and Julie Gottman
Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience helping couples strengthen their relationships. Based in San Diego and providing online therapy throughout California, she specializes in couples therapy, marriage counseling, premarital counseling, affair recovery, communication and conflict, emotional disconnection, and rebuilding trust. Her integrative approach draws on research-based relationship strategies, attachment-informed therapy, and a deep understanding of the emotional patterns that can leave couples feeling hurt, misunderstood, or disconnected.
