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Couples & Communication- Part 2

Become A Good Listener The first step in mastering good listening skills is to become aware of why listening is important in your life and your relationships. And the next step is simply to start doing it. Practice active listening whenever you can. Here are few rules to start the process: – Never interrupt when the other person is speaking. …

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Relationships & Forgiveness- Part 4

What is Forgiveness? Forgiveness is not a way of forgetting the past. Indeed, if you have been harmed, you should not forget it. You can learn from the past about how to avoid being harmed in the future. Nor is forgiveness a way of exonerating the perpetrator. Recognize that the harm did happen, that the other person is responsible for …

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Relationships & Forgiveness- Part 2

THE WAY WE ARE HURT The hurt can be enormous. Humiliation. When you are ridiculed by others – especially during childhood, as often happens when children are called derisive names – or when your pride is wounded, as might happen when a supervisor at work berates you in front of others, the assault on your dignity may impel you to …

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Relationships & Forgiveness- Part 1

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi All of us have been hurt, in one way or another, by someone else. While it is easy to forgive a friend for the slight distress one feels over a phone call that was not returned, it is not so easy to forgive those who …

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Marriage & Truth- Part 5

Working on Intimate Communication Many couples go for months or years without having deep and intimate talks. They live with silence and feel emotionally estranged from the person to whom they have committed themselves. They want the closeness they expected when their relationship began, but they don’t know how to get there. The walls seem too high. They hope that …

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Marriage & Truth- Part 4

Telling the Truth Truth is difficult for many of us. We all engage in a bit of self-deception in our lives. There are things about ourselves that we have not been able to examine or accept. We have difficulty in admitting our flaws – even to ourselves, much more so to our partners. Sometimes we guard our intimate feelings because …

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Marriage & Commitment- Part 5

Marriage Success: Skills for Creating a Healthy Relationship John Gottman, in his book “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail”, points out four strategies for improving relationships. Most of us are not especially adept at these skills, especially when we enter into a significant life relationship, but learning them gives us a good chance to increase the success of both our relationship and …

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Marriage & Commitment- Part 4

Couples Making Positive Relationship Changes There is still hope for couples who find themselves in destructive patterns, but they must learn new skills. Consulting with a trained therapist is generally the most effective way to do this, and I can help. One skill to learn is how to avoid flooding, which is a feeling of being overwhelmed by your partner’s …

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Marriage & Commitment- Part 3

Negative Relationship Behaviors – The Negative Cascade A relationship in trouble is one that falls into a negative cascade. One negative reaction leads to the next until there is a seemingly insurmountable wall between the two partners. Relationships that enter this destructive phase need attention and can benefit from the trustworthy, confidential intervention of a professional therapist. Sometimes the two …

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Marriage & Commitment- Part 2

Positive interaction & Couples What are positive interactions? They are found in – Showing interest in what your partner is saying, – Expressing affection to your partner both verbally (“I love you”) and nonverbally (holding hands, doing kind little things), – Showing you care – perhaps by making a phone call during the day or bringing home flowers, – Showing …

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