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Relationships & Forgiveness- Part 2

THE WAY WE ARE HURT The hurt can be enormous. Humiliation. When you are ridiculed by others – especially during childhood, as often happens when children are called derisive names – or when your pride is wounded, as might happen when a supervisor at work berates you in front of others, the assault on your dignity may impel you to …

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Relationships & Forgiveness- Part 1

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” – Mahatma Gandhi All of us have been hurt, in one way or another, by someone else. While it is easy to forgive a friend for the slight distress one feels over a phone call that was not returned, it is not so easy to forgive those who …

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Marriage & Truth- Part 5

Working on Intimate Communication Many couples go for months or years without having deep and intimate talks. They live with silence and feel emotionally estranged from the person to whom they have committed themselves. They want the closeness they expected when their relationship began, but they don’t know how to get there. The walls seem too high. They hope that …

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Marriage & Truth- Part 4

Telling the Truth Truth is difficult for many of us. We all engage in a bit of self-deception in our lives. There are things about ourselves that we have not been able to examine or accept. We have difficulty in admitting our flaws – even to ourselves, much more so to our partners. Sometimes we guard our intimate feelings because …

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Marriage & Commitment- Part 5

Marriage Success: Skills for Creating a Healthy Relationship John Gottman, in his book “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail”, points out four strategies for improving relationships. Most of us are not especially adept at these skills, especially when we enter into a significant life relationship, but learning them gives us a good chance to increase the success of both our relationship and …

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Marriage & Commitment- Part 4

Couples Making Positive Relationship Changes There is still hope for couples who find themselves in destructive patterns, but they must learn new skills. Consulting with a trained therapist is generally the most effective way to do this, and I can help. One skill to learn is how to avoid flooding, which is a feeling of being overwhelmed by your partner’s …

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Marriage & Commitment- Part 3

Negative Relationship Behaviors – The Negative Cascade A relationship in trouble is one that falls into a negative cascade. One negative reaction leads to the next until there is a seemingly insurmountable wall between the two partners. Relationships that enter this destructive phase need attention and can benefit from the trustworthy, confidential intervention of a professional therapist. Sometimes the two …

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Marriage & Commitment- Part 2

Positive interaction & Couples What are positive interactions? They are found in – Showing interest in what your partner is saying, – Expressing affection to your partner both verbally (“I love you”) and nonverbally (holding hands, doing kind little things), – Showing you care – perhaps by making a phone call during the day or bringing home flowers, – Showing …

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Couples & Conflicts- Part 4

Communication Patterns You Should Avoid Escalating Here you quickly move from the main issue of the argument to questioning your partner’s basic personality, and then move to wondering whether the relationship is even worth it. Timing This involves catching your partner off guard., like looking for a time when your partner is least able to respond or least expects an …

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Couples & Conflicts- Part 2

Constructive Relationship Guidelines If arguments begin to have a deteriorating effect on a relationship and no resolution appears in sight, it is time to examine the level of commitment each of the partners has to the relationship. This is sometimes a basic issue that remains unresolved by two partners. People avoid this topic out of fear that their partner may …

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