Healing After Betrayal and Rebuilding Trust
Why Affairs Happen
As relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, most affairs don’t begin with the deliberate intent to betray. Instead, they often arise from a gradual emotional erosion within the relationship. Affairs are less about impulsive desire and more about emotional needs that go unmet over time. What begins as an emotional distance, feeling unseen, unappreciated, or disconnected, can slowly evolve into a connection with someone outside the relationship.
Common Warning Signs Before an Affair:
– Emotional bids between partners are ignored or dismissed.
– One or both partners feel lonely, unseen, or misunderstood.
– Emotional needs begin to be met by someone else.
– Secrecy emerges, creating a rupture in trust.
– A boundary, emotional or physical, is eventually crossed.
Affairs are not merely about sexual desire. More often, they are about the deep longing for emotional connection and validation.
Adapted from a book by John Gottman
Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience helping couples strengthen their relationships. Based in San Diego and providing online therapy throughout California, she specializes in couples therapy, marriage counseling, premarital counseling, affair recovery, communication and conflict, emotional disconnection, and rebuilding trust. Her integrative approach draws on research-based relationship strategies, attachment-informed therapy, and a deep understanding of the emotional patterns that can leave couples feeling hurt, misunderstood, or disconnected.
