Healing After Betrayal and Rebuilding Trust (continued)
3- The Cascade Toward Betrayal
Gottman describes a predictable progression that often leads to infidelity, a “cascade” of relational breakdowns:
1- Turning Away: Emotional bids are ignored; connection begins to erode.
2- Negative Sentiment Override: Interactions are filtered through resentment and criticism.
3- Loneliness Within the Relationship: One or both partners feel emotionally abandoned.
4- Turning Toward Another: Emotional needs are met elsewhere.
5- Secrecy and Idealization: The outside relationship is protected and romanticized.
6- Breach of Trust: The affair becomes a reality, deeply wounding the partnership.
Infidelity is usually the final act in this emotional disengagement, not the beginning.
Adapted from a book by John Gottman
Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience helping couples strengthen their relationships. Based in San Diego and providing online therapy throughout California, she specializes in couples therapy, marriage counseling, premarital counseling, affair recovery, communication and conflict, emotional disconnection, and rebuilding trust. Her integrative approach draws on research-based relationship strategies, attachment-informed therapy, and a deep understanding of the emotional patterns that can leave couples feeling hurt, misunderstood, or disconnected.
