How to Incorporate Open-Ended Questions into Your Relationship
– Be Present and Curious – Put away distractions and give your full attention. Let your questions reflect a genuine desire to understand.
– Focus on Feelings and Experiences – Instead of factual questions, ask about emotions and perspectives. Example: “What’s something you’ve been feeling excited about lately?”
– Explore Hopes, Dreams, and Goals – Ask about aspirations and deeper thoughts.
Example: “What’s a dream you’ve been thinking about that we haven’t talked about yet?”
– Revisit Shared Memories – Reflecting on past experiences can bring fresh insights.
Example: “What’s one of your favorite memories of us together, and why?”
– Adapt Questions to Your Partner Interests – Show you’re engaged with what matters to
them. Example: “What’s something about your current project that excites you the most?”
Practical Exercises to Strengthen Connection
– Create a “Question Jar” – Write open-ended questions on slips of paper, place them in a jar, and take turns drawing one each evening.
– The “Highs” and “Lows” Game – Share the best and most challenging parts of your day, then follow up with deeper questions like, “What made that moment special?” or “How did you handle that challenge?”
– Weekly Check-In – Dedicate time each week to reflect on your relationship. Example: “What’s something I’ve done recently that made you feel loved?”
– Use Conversation Starters – Try books, card decks, or apps designed to prompt meaningful discussions.
Adapted from a book by John and Julie Gottman
Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience helping couples strengthen their relationships. Based in San Diego and providing online therapy throughout California, she specializes in couples therapy, marriage counseling, premarital counseling, affair recovery, communication and conflict, emotional disconnection, and rebuilding trust. Her integrative approach draws on research-based relationship strategies, attachment-informed therapy, and a deep understanding of the emotional patterns that can leave couples feeling hurt, misunderstood, or disconnected.
