Correction and discipline are definitely part of parenting but not the most important part. They are just the tip of the iceberg. Often though, when disciplining or correcting a child who is not responding well, the tendency is to do more correction and/or try different methods of discipline or correction.

However, in this situation, it would be more constructive to think more about training and teaching versus correcting and disciplining. The key to effective correction is effective teaching/training. The question you need to ask to yourself is  “Am I correcting/disciplining without teaching or training my child?” As you consider this question, you may also want to consider the quality of your relationship with your child.

The effectiveness of parental teaching/training depends heavily on the quality of the relationship with the child. Even if you spend a lot of time teaching/training your child, he will not want to learn if he doesn’t like or enjoy the relationship he has with you. Likewise, the quality of the parent/child relationship has a lot to do with the quality of the spousal relationship. Children rejoice when their parents love each other. The best present a parent can give their children is to love one another.

Finally, the most crucial element of all is a parent’s way of showing respect and consideration to others overall. The deepest attitudes of the heart are at the core of how people relate to others. This ultimately determines and affects how parents relate to their children as well. If you see others as people like you, with strength and weaknesses, fears, hopes, and dreams, you will treat them with consideration and respect even when there are disagreements in actions.

The quality of your relationship with your spouse depends on the deep core of who you are and how you relate to others. Indeed, it will affect every one of your relationships, your well being and your ability to impact others. In essence, it determines your legacy.

Adapted from an article by the Arbinger Institute

Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT