Mastering the Art of Listening and Speaking: Active Communication Requires Both Partners to Engage Effectively
In any couple’s relationship, communication is a two-way street. It’s not just about one partner speaking; it’s also about the other partner truly listening. Effective communication means that one person talks while the other listens, and both must excel in their roles. Often, when we think about communication, we focus on the speaker’s ability to convey their ideas clearly. However, without an attentive listener, the speaker might as well be talking to the wind. Just as speaking effectively is an acquired skill, so is good listening. While some may naturally be better listeners, all of us can learn to improve our listening abilities, enriching our relationships in the process.
The Art of Listening in Couples Communication
Consider what happens when someone speaks. We often find our attention divided between the speaker’s words, their appearance, background noise, our own thoughts, or even a counterargument forming in our minds. Our attention flits from one thing to another, making it challenging to fully grasp what the other person is saying. The speaker may convey only a portion of their intended meaning, and the listener might pick up only a fraction of that information. This disconnect can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
We often think we know what our partner is trying to say, but frequently, we are mistaken. Take the “rumor game” as an example: a message like “two kittens playing with a ball of string” can easily morph into “the lions sleep tonight” as it passes from one person to the next. This illustrates how easily communication can become distorted.
Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience helping couples strengthen their relationships. Based in San Diego and providing online therapy throughout California, she specializes in couples therapy, marriage counseling, premarital counseling, affair recovery, communication and conflict, emotional disconnection, and rebuilding trust. Her integrative approach draws on research-based relationship strategies, attachment-informed therapy, and a deep understanding of the emotional patterns that can leave couples feeling hurt, misunderstood, or disconnected.
