Mastering the Art of Listening and Speaking: Techniques for Active Listening in Couples Communication
The second, more powerful level is active listening (also known as reflective listening). This form of listening requires feedback, paraphrasing, and clarification to ensure true understanding.
1-Paraphrasing: Restate your partner’s message in your own words. Use phrases like, “What I hear you saying is…” or “So, you’re telling me that…”. This helps to clarify understanding and correct misconceptions immediately.
2-Clarifying: Ask questions to deepen your understanding. For example, “How did you feel when I interrupted you?” or “What did you think when I said I didn’t want to go on that trip?” Clarifying shows engagement without belittling or manipulating your partner.
3-Giving Feedback: Share your thoughts and feelings in response to what your partner has said, calmly and without defensiveness. This allows both partners to gain a clearer understanding of each other’s perspectives.
Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience helping couples strengthen their relationships. Based in San Diego and providing online therapy throughout California, she specializes in couples therapy, marriage counseling, premarital counseling, affair recovery, communication and conflict, emotional disconnection, and rebuilding trust. Her integrative approach draws on research-based relationship strategies, attachment-informed therapy, and a deep understanding of the emotional patterns that can leave couples feeling hurt, misunderstood, or disconnected.
