Managing Emotions and Maintaining Control
You do have choices. You decide what you will make of each situation in your marriage. Remember that your ability to manage your responses starts with self-awareness. The false-self reacts impulsively out of self-protection, while the true self remains steady, present, and open to connection.
Relational struggles make us emotional, but the only way to survive or overcome them is by keeping those emotions in check. If you can remain steady, no matter what happens, you will navigate the situation and your partner’s reactions more effectively. Emotional regulation is not about suppressing your emotions but recognizing and redirecting them toward connection.
Exercise for Emotional Regulation:
Pause and Breathe: When you feel overwhelmed, take deep, intentional breaths. Repeat silently: “This moment is an opportunity for growth.”
Ground Yourself in Truth: Identify a recurring fear or negative belief as “I’m not enough” or “I’ll be rejected” and replace it with truth: “I am worthy of connection even in conflict.”
By working together, you will eventually find what works best for you as a couple. Many strategies can help you manage emotions better and respond calmly. Let your partner know when you are not in a place to engage calmly. Go for a walk, exercise, meditate, or unplug to re-center yourself.
Relational calmness requires consistent work and authenticity. Catch your mind when it wanders or becomes defensive. Communicate with your partner and clarify facts instead of reacting impulsively. When you ground yourself in love and authenticity, you build deeper trust and understanding.
Adapted from a book by Richard Glass & James Cofield
Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience helping couples strengthen their relationships. Based in San Diego and providing online therapy throughout California, she specializes in couples therapy, marriage counseling, premarital counseling, affair recovery, communication and conflict, emotional disconnection, and rebuilding trust. Her integrative approach draws on research-based relationship strategies, attachment-informed therapy, and a deep understanding of the emotional patterns that can leave couples feeling hurt, misunderstood, or disconnected.
