Couples and the importance of forgiveness and reconciliation

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”– Mahatma Gandhi

All of us have been hurt, in one way or another, by someone else. While it is easy to forgive a friend for the slight distress one feels over a phone call that was not returned, it is not so easy to forgive those who have harmed you in a major way. The greatest hurt seems to come from those who play the most significant roles in our lives.

The enormity of the hurt may lead some to conclude that they can never forgive the other person. To forgive or not to forgive is one of everyone’s life choices. It is important for each person’s emotional well-being to understand that it is a choice and a choice with consequences.

Consider this question – if the harm you have experienced lead you to a life dominated by unresolved anger, a negative image of yourself, and an inability to trust, are you not allowing the perpetrator to continue to have power over you? When you have sleepless nights cycling and recycling thoughts about old hurts, when you seethe with anger, when you ask questions repetitively that seem to have no answers, you continue to suffer the consequences of being hurt. Perhaps your goal should be to find a way to free yourself from the damage and to reclaim your life.

Dr. Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT