Building Stronger Habits and Protecting Your Relationship
As we stated in the previous blog, a number of strategies can help you manage emotions better and respond calmly. Walking, for instance, provides a meditative yet active approach. It allows for movement while fostering a sense of calm. Remember, what is a setback? Nothing but training and learning; nothing but the first steps to something better. Choose to be a learner. It’s not a loss if you take the lesson with you and grow from it.
So, if you find yourself reacting or in a fight, learn from it. How you do anything is how you do everything. You can always act properly. Responding well takes practice. With practice comes regularity, and with regularity, these practices become habits become your character. Each new habit creates a larger compounding effect. You don’t convince your partner by challenging their longest-held opinions. Don’t focus on being right. Find common ground and work from there or create an alternative. By doing this, you win your partner’s heart and protect the relationship.
Focus on protecting your relationship to avoid division. Changing someone’s mind is hard, but there is more common ground to explore than you might realize. Maybe you can convince your partner to start there. Toughen up, get stronger, and focus on seeing situations for what they are. Do what you can, endure and bear what you must. What seems to block the path to closeness may be the path to mutual understanding and intimacy.
To navigate these challenges and grow closer as a couple, consider seeking the help of a relational therapist.
Adapted from a book of Ryan Holiday
Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience helping couples strengthen their relationships. Based in San Diego and providing online therapy throughout California, she specializes in couples therapy, marriage counseling, premarital counseling, affair recovery, communication and conflict, emotional disconnection, and rebuilding trust. Her integrative approach draws on research-based relationship strategies, attachment-informed therapy, and a deep understanding of the emotional patterns that can leave couples feeling hurt, misunderstood, or disconnected.
