How to Show Appreciation
– Be Specific
General compliments, while nice, lack the depth of specific expressions. Instead of saying, “You’re great,” try, “I love how you always think about others when making decisions. It inspires me.”
Examples: Instead of “Thanks for cooking,” say, “Thank you for making dinner tonight. I know you had a long day, and I appreciate the effort.” Instead of “You’re so kind,” say, “The way you comforted our daughter this morning was so thoughtful. She really needed that.”
– Acknowledge Efforts, Not Just Results
Appreciate your partner’s effort, even if the outcome isn’t perfect. This reinforces that their contributions matter, regardless of success.
Example: “Thank you for trying to fix the sink earlier. Even though it didn’t work out, I appreciate you jumping in to help.”
– Make Appreciating Your Partner a Habit
Set a daily intention to express appreciation at least once. Over time, this practice becomes second nature, strengthening your emotional bond.
– Use Verbal and Nonverbal Expressions
Say thank you, share compliments, or write heartfelt notes. A warm smile, a hug, or a gentle touch can express appreciation without words.
Practical Exercises to Foster Appreciation
- Each evening, write down three things you appreciated about your partner that day. Share at least one with them before bed. This practice highlights both small and significant gestures.
- Start or end your day by sharing one thing you’re grateful for about each other. This gratitude ritual could be over breakfast, during a nightly walk, or before going to sleep.
- Surprise your partner with unexpected gestures, by leaving a thank-you note on their desk or sending a mid-day text saying, “I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all you do for us.”
Adapted from a book by John and Julie Gottman
Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience helping couples strengthen their relationships. Based in San Diego and providing online therapy throughout California, she specializes in couples therapy, marriage counseling, premarital counseling, affair recovery, communication and conflict, emotional disconnection, and rebuilding trust. Her integrative approach draws on research-based relationship strategies, attachment-informed therapy, and a deep understanding of the emotional patterns that can leave couples feeling hurt, misunderstood, or disconnected.
