The Risks of Neglecting Gratitude and Affirmation
Without regular acknowledgment, couples may fall into patterns of criticism, complaint, or indifference. Partners can begin to feel unappreciated or unseen, which erodes connection and fosters resentment. Over time, this lack of appreciation can lead to emotional distance and dissatisfaction.
How to Acknowledge the Good
- Notice the Small Things
Acknowledging the good doesn’t require grand gestures. Everyday moments often hold the most significance. Example: Thank your partner for brewing your coffee, picking up groceries, or sending a sweet text. A simple “Thank you” or “I appreciate that” goes a long way.
- Reflect on Strengths
Take time to identify and affirm your partner’s positive traits, like kindness, patience, humor, or determination. Example: “I admire how calm you remain in stressful situations, it helps me feel steady, too.”
- Be Present and Observant
Actively notice moments when your partner demonstrates thoughtfulness, generosity, or other positive actions. Example: “I saw how you patiently listened to your colleague’s concerns, you have such a thoughtful way of supporting others.”
- Recognize Growth
Acknowledge your partner’s efforts toward personal growth or improvement. Example: “I’m so proud of how you’ve been making time for exercise, you’re prioritizing your health, and it inspires me.”
Adapted from a book by John and Julie Gottman
Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience helping couples strengthen their relationships. Based in San Diego and providing online therapy throughout California, she specializes in couples therapy, marriage counseling, premarital counseling, affair recovery, communication and conflict, emotional disconnection, and rebuilding trust. Her integrative approach draws on research-based relationship strategies, attachment-informed therapy, and a deep understanding of the emotional patterns that can leave couples feeling hurt, misunderstood, or disconnected.
