Practical Exercises to Build the Habit of Acknowledging the Good
– The “Good Things” List
Write down three things you admire or appreciate about your partner each day. Share at least one with them before the day ends to build consistent affirmation.
– The “Highlight Reel” Conversation
Ask your partner, “What was the best part of your day?” Share your own highlight and use the moment to express gratitude or admiration.
– Gratitude Tradition
Set aside time weekly to express appreciation for specific moments or qualities. For example, share gratitude during Sunday breakfast or before bed on Friday nights.
Overcoming Common Challenges
- Negativity Bias
Humans naturally focus on problems and challenges. This can make it hard to notice the good in your partner. Combat negativity bias by intentionally looking for positive traits or actions, even in difficult moments.
- Fear of Being Overlooked
Some partners hesitate to acknowledge the good, feeling their own efforts are unnoticed. However, initiating appreciation often inspires reciprocity, strengthening the relationship.
- Busy Schedules
Life’s demands can make it easy to overlook your partner’s contributions. Incorporate acknowledgment into daily routines, like expressing gratitude over dinner or sending a quick text during the day.
Adapted from a book by John and Julie Gottman
Dr.Baya Mebarek, Psy.D.,LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT
Baya Mebarek, Psy.D., LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with more than 20 years of experience helping couples strengthen their relationships. Based in San Diego and providing online therapy throughout California, she specializes in couples therapy, marriage counseling, premarital counseling, affair recovery, communication and conflict, emotional disconnection, and rebuilding trust. Her integrative approach draws on research-based relationship strategies, attachment-informed therapy, and a deep understanding of the emotional patterns that can leave couples feeling hurt, misunderstood, or disconnected.
